帮我看看托福作文吧,我好迷茫啊Some people predicted that 2012 is the end of earth.it may be a rumour,but it remind us that earth need help.So i prefer the government to spend this money for our basic need on earth,it because there too ma

帮我看看托福作文吧,我好迷茫啊Some people predicted that 2012 is the end of earth.it may be a rumour,but it remind us that earth need help.So i prefer the government to spend this money for our basic need on earth,it because there too ma
帮我看看托福作文吧,我好迷茫啊
Some people predicted that 2012 is the end of earth.it may be a rumour,but it remind us that earth need help.So i prefer the government to spend this money for our basic need on earth,it because there too many of people live on the earth,seriously pollution and a lot of natural disaster.
There is about several million people live on earth ,and the population has increased rapidly,so to meet the need of people the government should spend this money for establishing bulidings and streets.for example,with the developing of life,more people have their own cars,it should brings convience of dailylife,but in the rush hour ,the streets are full of cars.even it lead to traffic accidents.
Since the impact that people activities has on the environment is undeniable.such as factories.hospiles and companies,all will result serious pollution,so the government should spend this money on portect the environment.for instance.the more pollution are,the less animal are.the dirty water,chamical industry metarial,and pesticide can result the reduce of animals,then charge the environment and habitancy where animals liveand find food.besides,it made so great charge of the climate,there more volacno,earthquake even rise of the sea level,which also influence the aggravate of Greenhouse effect.
However,the government,such as USA,should spend more money for exploring outer space rather on the basic need on earth.because it has quite well establish on the basic need.
in conclution,i prefer to the government to spend this money for our basic need on earth.because both a large number of people's need and the need of environment .last but not the least,the goal of government is to that better city,better life.it is the basic need on earth.

帮我看看托福作文吧,我好迷茫啊Some people predicted that 2012 is the end of earth.it may be a rumour,but it remind us that earth need help.So i prefer the government to spend this money for our basic need on earth,it because there too ma
我帮你改,但是你要发到我的邮箱去.但是,你要给我5分.
你的问题还是比较多的
你首先要明白两问题
1.英语思维和汉语思维的形式是不一样的
2.英语语言结构和汉语语言结构也不一样
Some people predicted that 2012 is the end of earth.it may be a rumour,but it remind us that earth need help.
这句话就有问题,前面两个短句可以合成一句话,信息更加集中和符合英语思维和结构
我仔细分析一次给你看
一开始主语是Some people ,后面跑出来it,又接着还用了一个It.It 是代词吧,它代啥?你为啥要用It?它不符合语篇结构和语言连贯和衔接,典型的汉语思维和语言.
我的示范修改如下
The Prediction that the year 2012 will be the end of world ,which has proved to be a pure imagination,reminded us the truth that our world demands further concern.
你首先要明白这两点,先从这两个点评价、改进你的写作,这样才可以真的提高.否则,你再练也提高不到哪里去.

我看了第一段，觉得有点chingish的意思，像如some people之一类的词最好不要用，有点恶俗了，可以用the public这一类的，多看看范文，希望能对你有所帮助吧，谢谢~

四级未过~